I can feel Fall coming (figuratively and not literally…afterall, I live in Texas which currently feels like the inside of an oven). With the change of the physical season and so much recent change in our lives, I’ve been thinking back on previous life seasons. I love that scripture calls us to REMEMBER. (It also calls us to FORGET, but more on that in another post.)

It seems the Lord in His kindness knew our memories would be terrible, and tells His people this in Isaiah 46:9:

“Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me.”

So I’m remembering some of my seasons and the Lord’s faithfulness. And I’m sharing, because even the hard stuff has God’s goodness written all over it…and we only see it when we REMEMBER.

For me, I can’t remember well without looking back on my decade of singleness during adulthood. (We’ll define singleness as “not married” to keep it simple.) I am abundantly thankful for that season, although I was often NOT thankful for it in the moment. The Lord taught me so much, but 3 big lessons stand out.

And, my friends, if your singleness is now and seems never-ending, my hope and prayer is that you would know it matters and God cares.

1. Treat singleness like a life stage and not a brand.

It may be the box your check on your W-2 and the item you circle for your medical records. It may be a season marked by no relationships, or a seasons pockmarked with “almosts.” And for some of you, my friends and even some mentors, who feel you have “passed your prime” to marry, you haven’t ruined God’s plan for you. Your season may be longer than most or may end with heaven (where none of us will be married). Or your season of singleness may end with a godly man at the end of the aisle.

The second you start treating singleness as a scarlet letter is the moment your effectiveness and your emotions start to veer into unhealthy territory. At least, that’s what I noticed in my own life. It’s not a brand. Jesus and the apostle Paul were arguably the most influential people who ever lived and both were single. You are in good company, my friend. And the Lord has good and big plans for you. Even though it is part of your story, singleness doesn’t define you.

2. Learn to celebrate and grieve and celebrate again.

I still remember sitting at a friend’s wedding in my early 20s and wanting to cry. I left early, wondering if it would ever be my turn, if I would ever be that happy. Annnnnddd then the Lord did a hard and sweet work on my heart. I never wanted to be upset at a friend’s wedding ever again. I never wanted to leave a friend’s celebration early wanting to cry. I wanted to celebrate without questioning if God was good in my story, too.

Friends, it is ok to grieve when you want to be married. God says marriage is good and a gift. But he also says that about singleness. It is good to celebrate those who the Lord has moved into a different season, even if it feels like you aren’t moving with them. It is healthy to rejoice with those who rejoice. It is unhealthy to always be upset (and stay upset) every time a friend starts dating, gets married, or has a baby. It is healthy to acknowledge and grieve that you may have those desires, too, and then rally, pray, and celebrate.

3. Don’t waste it.

I remember gathering with a group of friends to celebrate my 30th birthday. My friends asked me what I had loved about my 20s, and only God could have worked in my heart to answer this way: I didn’t waste them. Because I had seen God be so good and faithful  in my 20s, I was expectant and excited about my next decade. I knew the statistics said my chances of getting married decreased incrementally each year, especially in the south. But I also acknowledged two things: I’m not a statistic and God is so much bigger and not limited to region, age, or statistics.

To be clear, my 20s were also marked by a lot of hard. I had a very challenging job. I lost multiple family members to cancer and other health issues. I stood next to both younger siblings while they married, all while well-meaning, but really dumb (let’s be real) individuals asked why I wasn’t the one getting married since I was the oldest. I lost a book contract. Was told I would never make it in the publishing industry. Had adults who taught me in Sunday School tell me to stop chasing a pipe dream with publication and get a “real” job.

And YET…

I made AMAZING friendships through my young adults group, saw many young adults give their lives to the Lord. I traveled all over the world. Released three books, and then re-released them again. Was trained under some of the most amazing and successful voices in Christian fiction. Found a writing group of wonderful Christian women. Committed to a job that was hard but refining and saw the Lord grow me personally and professionally while I was able to reach people all over the world with encouragement and the gospel through writing. I became an aunt and LOVED spending time with my family. I bought a car and paid it off. Bought my own home. Had an AWESOME room mate for over 7 years.

I dug in. I didn’t waste those years.

The Lord chose to bring my season of singleness to an end a few months before I turned 32. But not before he showed me that he was sufficient and that my life was FULL in singleness. I never stopped praying for a spouse. But I did stop wishing for a different story than the one I was living.

This is my prayer for you: that you wouldn’t waste the season you’re in. If it changes, I hope you will look back and be so thankful for the time and be able to say those sweet words: I didn’t waste them.